The After Life

It's almost Seamus birthday. I have been doing the best I can to get through this but today has sent me over the edge. Today my baby dog Rutledge got out and is missing. I went looking for him and couldn't find him. I am pray that someone is keeping him safe and warm and that I well find him tomorrow. I need him. To u it may be just a dog but to me he is my baby. I gotta find my baby. Please let me find him! I miss him cuddling under my blanket. I just wanna hug him. I need my baby dog!

This day last year I spent the in the hospital because I fell down the stairs at home and was almost 8 months pregnant. I was so scared that something would be wrong. It was the scariest day in my life or so I though at that time. Little did I know I would give birth to Seamus 10 days later but 4 weeks earlier then I should have. Then 12 days later I after he was born I would have to let him go physical forever. Those were the 12 hardest but wonderful but heartbreaking days ever. With only more to come over the year and every year. And yet I still find a way to get going. How I don't know but I do. A lot of days I want to give up but I don't. Maybe because I hope that very soon I well be a mother again to a new baby that I get to bring home this time. Seamus never leaves my heart or mind but I really want and need to have another baby soon then later. I do not want to spend another year as a lonely mother. I long for another baby to hold and kiss and love since Seamus is not he