The After Life

For the past few days I have felt very anxious and frustrated. The lack of sleep makes it worse but I know why. Its so hard to say goodbye. Even though plenty of people will come and go, it is still always hard to tell them goodbye especially when it's forever. I really hate forever goodbyes. Life changes so much and so quickly sometimes. Change is so hard for me to embrace. I just don't like it but maybe I will like it this time. I feel so close to my goal but I'm not able to reach it just yet. I hate being this close to something I really want but can't have yet! I guess the key word would be yet. I don't like waiting! Which is why is so hard to make plans for the future. I want to know now but I must wait. I have been focus on this goal for a year now and it's all I think about and I feel so close. Closer then I was a year ago, closer then I was 6 months ago and closer then I was a week ago! Then there is that chance that it won't work out and I'm b...

This quote makes me so angry!  Really?! I absolutely hate hearing this, reading this or anything else. Don't tell me that I strong enough to live this because you have no idea about the battle that rages inside of me because for some reason or another I was given this life. Just because you think or see that I am strong you can't imagine what it takes for me to pretend that I am or to be strong! Worst quote ever!

Scars don't go away but the fade with time.  Their are forever there to remind you of what happen or what didn't.

Sometimes I just need someone to hug me and say that everything is gonna be okay. Sometimes I just want someone to actually listen to my problems and not just act like they are listening. Sometimes I just want to feel heard. Sometimes I just want to listen. Sometimes I just want to feel appreciated. Most of all I just want to find someone who truly will like for who I really am and not the person everyone thinks that I am or wants me to be.

I have been wondering lately if it's my own fault I am where I am at. I know I keep the pain around to some extent. I do it because I'm afraid I will forget. I'm starting to think I could be my own problem, my own worst enemy. I really am trying to break this wall I'm stuck behide. I'm just not sure how.

I feel so sad right now and I have no idea why. It's super frustrating! I am crying alone. Days like this suck. I have no reason to be upset or feel sad but I do. There is something wrong with.

Tonight I went to see a movie with my friend.  The movie was adorable but there was a part when the 11 year old girl was depressed. It made me sad to see a child deal with that. Maybe because I can relate so well to all the feeling she was having and know how bad the feel. Lately I feel like I'm on the verge of breaking. I got into a argument with my husband because he doesn't understand why I'm still so sad. He said he doesn't know how to be there for me and I need to tell him how. If he feels this way how does he think I feel?! I have to struggle internally with this everyday!  Its not like I want to be sad. He keeps posting I guess you could say motivation things on my Facebook wall. I think what made me them most mad was he was trying to say that I need to go back to talking to a therapist but instead of just saying that he danced around it. Just say it! Don't fucking act like we need to go to therapy together when I'm the one that needs to go. I really tr...