Goals....!

For the past few days I have felt very anxious and frustrated. The lack of sleep makes it worse but I know why. Its so hard to say goodbye. Even though plenty of people will come and go, it is still always hard to tell them goodbye especially when it's forever. I really hate forever goodbyes. Life changes so much and so quickly sometimes. Change is so hard for me to embrace. I just don't like it but maybe I will like it this time.

I feel so close to my goal but I'm not able to reach it just yet. I hate being this close to something I really want but can't have yet! I guess the key word would be yet. I don't like waiting! Which is why is so hard to make plans for the future. I want to know now but I must wait. I have been focus on this goal for a year now and it's all I think about and I feel so close. Closer then I was a year ago, closer then I was 6 months ago and closer then I was a week ago!

Then there is that chance that it won't work out and I'm back to square one in a way but not quite. But the worse thing can only be no right?  I want it, I want it! It is all I think about!

And I guess I wouldn't even be this close to it if I hadn't learn what I have from the person I must say my goodbye too. I don't want them to go but I know this must happen for me to reach my goal. It still sucks. Its sad. You will be missed. I guess in a way I'm heartbroken, but that almost seem like a weird or inappropriate word to use. Maybe it more like my soul is crushed?! I'm not really sure what word I should use to describe how I feel without sounding like a freaking weirdo creeper. I guess it was more like you were like my big brother and I really looked up to you. You taught me so much and really appreciate you helping to molding me into what I need to be to accomplish my goal?! Maybe that is how I feel. Maybe I wish I could say that. But that would be kind of awkward.

So close and yet so far!