Strengths

I hope to find my strengths when this journey ends...

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Life's Definition

Fear noun an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. Right now I fear staying in this situation and leaving it. What if no one ever loves me again? But is sacrificing my happiness love? Love isn't unconditional! Will things actually change or is it just going to be another phase? I feel so alone even when I'm not. Can I be alone? What do I even do?! I'm so confused!
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Something Missing

For most of my life I have always felt like something was missing. Like everyday I wake up I feel like I am not whole. I have always tried to fill that hole with the things I thought I was supposed to like family, friends and work. But maybe all this time something has been missing because I have never tried to be my real self. The person I really am. I think I have been lying to myself for a long time about who I really am. Like if I pretended to be the person everyone around thought I was/should be for long enough that I would be. In turn I think I have made myself miserable trying to be that person.  I guess I never really knew who I even was until recently. I still finding out. I hope that this is what I am supposed to be. At this point only time will tell....
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Write

I have been trying to get on here to write but I haven't found the time until tonight. I wanted my husband to hold me but he is sleep and I feel bad waking him up. I can't sleep. I have a hard time sleeping anymore. I'm just hoping to hear a Seamus crying for me in the next room but I know I'll never hear it. I'll never wake up hearing him cry. It feels so horrible knowing that. I hate living this way, without him. I sit here tonight in the dark alone crying. Everyday just sucks no matter how good you try to make it. I wish that I had someone that understood what I am going through and could tell me,'things are going to be okay and your going to have 4 more perfect babies and don't worry you'll pregnant soon and happy again.' Right now it feels like I'll never be happy and to get pregnant again feels impossible.I thought that I might be pregnant but then today I was sure I was not. I feel like I'm being punished.From what I don't have a c...
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