Self Worth

I have struggled to know what my self worth is my whole life. I still do...so many time I wonder if I am even worthy of certain things...or certain people. Like am I even worthy for some to love me again like truly love me...every part of me. Am I pretty enough or fit enough for this person that I want to be with? Eight months ago I would have said no.

I realize now that, that one person wasn't worthy enough of me....but in learning and figuring this out I shoved off the person that was trying to show me that I have self worth.

I never expected this person to show me so much about myself...or show me all the things that my last relationship lacked. I was so focused on the wrong things and wrong people that I also let him slip away.

That week of silence without him, was deafening. I missed him whole heartedly and felt so broken and lost. I realized during this week that I truly wanted to be with him. That I had strong feelings that I never shared with him but instead hid because I was so scared to fail again...in another relationship.

Every night that week I thought about him, I wonder if he was thinking of me. I wonder if he was missing me like I missed him. I felt sad everyday. I hope that he would contact me but I tried really hard not to get my hopes up, to only have them crushed again. Part of me thought that I had lost him. I was angry with him at first. That was until someone explained things to me in a different way and the I was angry with myself because I let it happen. What it came down to is that it was actually my fault.

Fast forward but now here I am and it turns out I hadn't lost him fully. Now thou I would have to make the effort to fix what I had done if I still wanted this person.

Moral of this is that he has had part in helping me find my self worth. He will probably never know how broken I really but he has help me find many things about myself I never knew or had lost.

I don't know if we will ever 'officially ' be together but at least I have learn many life lesson and things about myself trying to figure him out. It's funny that think how much he has taught me about myself.

I really do adore him and the little things he does.

Too be continued....