Finding Happiness

Happiness, how do we find it in this mess of a world we live in? 

I spend so much time looking for my happiness...at this point I wonder if it is even possible to find for me. I am so unhappy and have been for quite a long time. The little bit of it that I find here and there are not enough to say that I am happy. This is because the little bit I find when I'm with this person are out weighted by all the over thinking and questioning I do when I'm alone....

I remember like every small detail of the people around me and yet I feel no one person tries to do the same about me. Like no one truly tries to know me.

I feel as though the past is going to try to repeat it's self and I'm not sure how to stop it. Maybe it all comes down to the statement he made...I don't know if we are meant to be together...maybe he is right. Maybe I am just trying to fool myself into thinking he is the one, when he is not.

The big problem at this point is this point is, that I love him...with no doubt.

I'm lost at what I am supposed to do now. My friend tells me to live in the moment..I have been but now where do I go? How do you even put yourself out there and share these kind of feelings for someone?

I don't know how to do this. I am so unprepared.

I just wish he would give me some kind sign, like something that showed me he felt the same and just needed me to say it first.

Maybe it is time to place all my cards in and stop trying to call his bluff...

6/3/2017  The day my heart was no longer mine...

Too be continued.......