So somethings have changed like the title of my blog for one. There have been so many changes in the last 3 years or even in the last year let's say. Where am I at right now in my life? Well, I work at a place I love even though things are crazy sometimes and I freak out a lot but I think that's because I'm am OCD control freak. Yeah I said it! I still try to hide my OCD tenancies but they are there. Work is the one place I can control the outcome of most things not always but mostly. I work with some great people. There are a handful in particular that I really like and see them more as friends. Hopefully the feeling is mutual. Lol. You never know! Its hard that one of them is pregnant and everyone is awwwing all over but I'm trying. I'm trying to be happy for her. I'm trying not to lose it when they talk about her 'cute belly'. I really am TRYING! But I have been on a mean streak lately. My mouth has said somethings it can't take back and it will...
It's been just over two months since Seamus passed. Everyday I miss him. There is not a day, that goes by that I don't think of him. He looked so perfect on the outside. You would have never guessed that there could be something so wrong inside his brain. No matter how much they tell me that it was nothing I did wrong, I still feel it was something I did or didn't do. The sadness and emptiness you feel when you loss a child you can't explain. And you can't understand unless it's happened to you. A little back story on what happened. My husband and I have been hoping for a child for sometime now. So on June 12, 2011 we were surprised and overjoyed. I had kind of a ruff pregnancy since I was sick everyday. So sick that I was put on Zofan for my nausea because I kept losing weight. My pre pregnancy weight was 242. When I was 16 week I weight 214. I had lost 28 lbs in 12 weeks. Other than that my pregnancy was progressive like normal. I was due January 31, 2012. I ...
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