December 3

I'm struggling. I'm holding my breath and I don't know why. I feel like I'm going crazy. Making up stupid things in my head that kept me up all night. I don't even know what it like to sleep like a normal person. Every night my mind wonders keeping me up. I don't know how to shut it off. I think it's starting to make me paranoid. I read something yesterday that said, "Don't always believe what your mind thinks." But how can I do that? There is no manual about how to keep living after your child dies or this is what to do or this is what your live looks like from now on. Things seem to be progressing in the right way what there are things that I feel are going backwards. Is December going to send me back 5 steps every year?