December

Well December is here. No matter how much I have dreaded it, it still came. I'm already ready to break out the hot cheetos and Dr pepper and whatever. I'm not ready for this month. I still don't know what to do to remember Seamus. Last year the card time capsule and this time I don't really know. I really wish I could see my therapist I was see last year I could really use her. He would be 2 in 27 more days. Walking and eating, laughing and talking but there is none of that. Just silence and still no hope of another. I hoped this year would be better and in some ways it has but no matter what we still have one thing missing, a child. Seamus will always be missing and I am getting better at accepting that. I have a room full of unused baby items and I go back and fourth about selling them. I can't even look at them. How long do I tote the stuff around? Forever? I don't really know right now. I just need to make it through the month right now.