Silence

This is day 3 of silence...and it is horrible. I feel so sad and horrendous. I miss him so much. But I can't tell him any of these things and to realize last night that this is my own fault makes it worse.

It's like do I enjoy this pain and suffering?! Is that why I continue to make the wrong choices?! I must but I have constantly found myself in pain lately. Realizing that you caused your own pain this time really is shitty though. When he asked me to be with him, I truly didn't feel ready but 2 weeks later when I asked him I did...now I have nothing.

Another life lesson to learn....but how many of these life lessons am I going to have to learn?!

I really do miss him...his smell is one that I absolutely loved and now it's gone along with him.

Fuck! Life is annoying.