The After Life

I finally said one on many things that I have been thinking when it comes to her. Yeah you Lauren. I have been there for you when you needed me no matter what, even thought you haven't returned the favor when I needed you. When I needed her she was tweak out on meth. While her husband took care of their son that she didn't want. Everything that is happening to you, you have put in motion. Stop blaming other people for your problems. He may have brought the drugs in but you did them, he didn't make you. You made that choice! And you kept doing even after I asked what about your kids?! Take some damn responsibility for what you have done. You and him both! I am tried of you thinking that no one knows what you are dealing with. You are not the only one in this world going this. And stop dragging your parents down with you! Your gonna give those poor people a heart attack. Woman up and fix your life! Stop taking the pussy way out and putting things on Facebook. La

I am missing Buddy quite a lot. He has finally been laid down to rest peacefully. He not longer suffers, nor hurts. I miss everything about him. I hope that's Seamus is taking care of him. Hugging him tightly and whispering to him that he is loved. I have been very sad lately and I'm not sure why. Some nights I cry myself to sleep like I did after Seamus passed. I have been wishing that we would have given him long even though it would have made a difference. I keep wishing that I would have held him more and that would have kissed him more. I wish that I would have taken more picture of him, especially with the family. We have none of Seamus with any family members. No matter what road I try to take ur leads back to Seamus. I can't escape the pain and sadness I feel since I lost him. And every month when I discover that I am not pregnant it's like losing another baby. I feel as though the hope is lost. I want to hope but I always feel disappointment. How can I get pass...

Dear Seamus, Oh how I wish you could be here to be with your daddy and I on this special day. For I was you who made us parents. Your missed everyday and loved every moment. How I long to hear your laugh one day. So much has changed for daddy and I in the last few months. I hope our love and new found happiness brings you a brother or a sister that we can bring home. So that all the hugs and kisses you miss we can share with them. I hope god blesses daddy and I with another child soon because I am ready. I am truly ready. Please take care of Buddy dog for soon he well be joining you baby boy. He love hot cheetios and any kind of food really. Hug him and kiss him and let him know that we miss him too. Tell him we love him and baby, don't ever let him go. He is the best dog. You well finally get to meet him. Because I know he has been waiting to meet you. Mommy loves you Seamus, more then any words can ever express. I wish that things could have been different but this is what it is...

5 things I'm thankful for: Definitely My husband My family like my sister who always sticks by me My dogs who always find a way to make me laugh Chocolate that pretty much always can make me feel better Seamus who taught me no matter how small you can make a difference

We all make choices everyday. Like what I am gonna wear or do I eat breakfast? But those are not choices that define us or our life's. Everyday I make a choices to get up go to work even if I don't want to. What choices define us? If I choose to keep my mouth shut when I see injustice is it fair? Or is it right to look the other way when you see two parents doing drugs with children in the house because you don't wanna get involved? Or is it okay to let someone turn you in to a slave because they write your paycheck ? I don't know what's right or wrong anymore. I see so much injustice everywhere that I can't take it anymore. I hate when people they are good parents but you know they aren't. Are they just trying to convince themself they are by saying it out loud? I'm sick of lies, I'm sick of being used and then made into the bad guy. I'm sick of being told how to run my store and I'm sick of these stupid ass people accusations of being sexua...

Today I wondered if it wasn't my son who passed and it was my friend's  would I be able to sympathize with them? I honestly can answer that because I really do not know.

It's almost Seamus birthday. I have been doing the best I can to get through this but today has sent me over the edge. Today my baby dog Rutledge got out and is missing. I went looking for him and couldn't find him. I am pray that someone is keeping him safe and warm and that I well find him tomorrow. I need him. To u it may be just a dog but to me he is my baby. I gotta find my baby. Please let me find him! I miss him cuddling under my blanket. I just wanna hug him. I need my baby dog!