One month

I've been back to work for a month now. It's hard to be there and pretend to be okay. Especially when I know I should be home taking care of baby Seamus. It's hard to see people having fun with their kids while I thing I will never have that with my son. I makes me sad to think of all the thing I will never do with him. I just miss him so much! I hurt ever day. I feel like I should be sad ever day too and when I'm not I feel guilty that I had a good day. I just want to see him one more time or kiss him one last time. I just feel like I didn't give him enough kiss. I hate feeling like this. I hate being sad all the time. I don't even want to be around anybody because all my friend have kids and it's so hard for me not to be sad. I love my friends but, they just don't understand what I'm going through. Plus, I have three friends that are pregnant right now. Its so frustrating. Their baby showers, I don't even know that I can go to them.  Mommy loves you Seamus.

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