Well...Mother's Day Again

Here we are year number 3. I get a card but it's not from the person I want it to be from. I get happy mother's day wishes from the people that don't forget I'm still a mom and yet I still don't feel like one. I cry by myself cause I'm embarrassed. I was very surprised by one person that wished me a happy mother's day. It was just the sweetest thing. Rachel if you ever read this you have no idea how much that warmed my heart when I seen that message from you this morning. I am lucky to have a friend as sweet as you ♡!

It was still a sad and depressing day. I woke up only to cry in bed on the phone with my sister. I cried in the car on the way to the store. I want to be with one person that can't be here. I told my husband I wanted nothing and that  didn't want to do anything. I am glad that he respected my wishes. It didn't feel like a day to celebrate. Celebrate what disappointment? No thanks. I'm tired of that. Nothing feel right.

Seamus, I miss you. I wish you were here. Life is so wrong without you. I have to work so early but, all I can think about is you baby boy.

My mind is scattered and I can't fix it. I want to scream! I am screaming inside. I know tomorrow so will ask how mother's day was and I'm not sure yet how I gonna answer. Will I be "just a great relaxing day" that is a lie or will ig be the truth "I cried in bed a felt like doing nothing cause I was too sad"? Guess we well see tomorrow.