Blog & Life

I have been reading over my old post a lot lately. I guess I'm trying to see how far I have come from 3 years ago when Seamus died. Plus I have looking over my life from 10 years ago when I married my love. I think about when I was 13 living with my parents and all I experienced as a child.

Even at 26 I fear the things that happened. Life scares me so much. I hate the unknown.  I want predictable. It scares me when things get out of control.

Like alcohol it makes things get out of control. I have seen it too many times to count. I never test my limits when I drink because I am afraid. I'm afraid of being out of control. I'm afraid of what I would say or do. I'm afraid of myself.  I don't trust myself to be intoxicated.

I don't want to be like any of the many people that I have seen that way. People give me crap for never being that way. Like it there personal  challenge to get me drunk. Usually it's funny but sometimes I get really annoyed. I just wish that someone would take the time to understand me. To truly and full understand the person I really am and not the one I hide behide. It scares me how good I am at hiding how I really feel. For now I guess I am in hiding.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

#3

Well here it comes again....Mother's Day. I am actually starting to hate it. Three years now and this year is definitely not a charm. I really don't want to do anything or really want anything. I don't feel like a mother so I would rather skip this fucking holiday. I was think of doing or getting something nice for someone else. I am afraid  that if I get her something that I won't see her. I am so frustrated.
Read more