Already?!

I can already feel the crushing feeling of December coming and it's only mid September! I can feel the sadness, the overwhelming feelings, the regrets, crushed hopes and dreams and so much more. This year he would have been 4. How can it be 4 years? Time pass so slow and quickly all at the same time. I feel so alone in my sadness. It seen so early to be feeling this way. Plus I just got promoted at work so, I shouldn't feel thus way but yet all I can think is how much I miss him! His tiny hands, his blue eyes and how he smelled, like cake frosting.  I see my friend with her baby and it makes me think of all the things I missed out on with mine, that I will never get to do! I can't even hold her baby! I just don't want to. I really just need a day to hang with my friend who can make me laugh when I don't even want to. Hopefully next week I will get to do that. Until I will just have to grin and bear it. Which must be my favorite cause I'm always doing it!