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Showing posts from October, 2012

Another One

Another one, another baby is coming in to this world. Not from me. Another family member will welcome a third child in May. She said her prayers were answered when they found out she was pregnant again. When well my prayers for another child be answered? When will I be happy mother again?

Seamus' Room

Four blue walls and a white door. It might not look like much to anyone else but, that room means so much to me. At first it was full of so much hope, love, and possibilities. Now it's still so full of love but, also sadness, crushed dreams, and empty hope. 'Little Boy Blue' was the name of the color we picked his room. His name was even on the door. That small room is so full of memories even though Seamus never made it home or into his room. When he didn't come I made it my sanctuary where I could cry alone. One night when I was home alone, I even read a book to Seamus' bear. I read 'I Love You Forever' to his bear. I didn't pack up his thing until March or April and even then it took me a month to finish. I didn't want to pack his things because then it truly meant it was real. That he was never come home. That he would never sleep in his crib. He would never wear his clothes. He would never play with his toys. He would never laugh or cry. He woul