The After Life

I am so angry! Beyond! How can this be happening. My tweaker brother in-law and his tweaker bitch girlfriend are having a baby. Oh dear God why?! For these two to reproduce is so fucking wrong. Why is this okay?! The fucking tweakers, the slutty teenager and unmarried can easy accidentally get pregnant but the ones that actually want to bring a child into a loving family have the hardest time?! Life is ridiculous!  I'm pissed, I'm mad, I'm angry, among some many other words!

Some days it feels unbearable. My chest gets heavy, my eyes tear up and I just don't want to do it anymore. Life feels like a burden rather than a blessing. Then others day I can laugh and be like a normal person. Normal?! What is normal exactly?  I think everyone is going to interpret it differently.  Honestly I don't think that normal exist anymore. I think normal is extinct.  My life is very different then I ever expected it to be. Which is both good and bad. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about my past. My childhood to be exact. Nothing about my childhood was normal. I never tell anyone about it. I only tell people that my stepfather was a aloholic but there is so much more that I don't share or talk about. So many things that no one knows. Sometimes I feel like I'm full of secrets. Secrets from my past. I guess I have been asking myself why I keep them? But do I really want people to know how bad things were at times? I don't know. Lately someone has been

Today I am screaming inside. I am feeling crazy among others things. But why must she bring it up?! We know everyone knows! You can't hide it. We all fucking know! So go talk to someone else rather than making me feel like shit inside. I cant show how I really feel. With nothing really. This is so dumb but I am literally like Else from Frozen, 'conceal don't feel, don't let it show.' Yep that's me everyday. I will never be the person I really am.