Jan 8
Today is the is January 8th, which means tomorrow is the 9th. I have to work today and figure how to pretend like I'm okay. I know none of these people understand or can imagine what I'm feeling inside. I know they probably look at me and think we'll she looks alright so she is probably okay. But I'm not. I think I scare myself how good I have gotten about putting on a mask everyday that hides what I am really feeling. I never say what I really want to say when people ask how I'm doing, I just simply say okay. I really want to say, I'm horrible. I'm not fine or okay. I'm having a terrible day and your crying baby is making it worse. But I can't say that cause I would lose my job and I need my job. I can't even say I'm having a bad day because then they will ask why. I just have to hide what I really feel and pretend that I'm okay. I have to put my mask on everyday. I will never be able to be my real self at work. Two years. Two very long