The After Life

Yes...organized chaos is exactly it! That's how I feel. My brain will not shut off...I'm screaming under my breath. Over analyzing everything in my mind. I just want to shove these things back right now. You a clouding my mind and my judgement...I love every moment with you but you are giving mixed signals and ideas. I cannot read you, which is why I'm confused and conflicted with what I need to do. Stop this madness...please!

Love...... I really thought I was unlovable.... Like never would anyone be able to love someone who is a mess like me... Like why would anyone choose to love me again..... .................................... .........Then I met him...... He was cute.... Then he was different........... Made me feel...very different from the last.... Maybe he loved me first.....who knows..maybe...maybe not... He was immature... He was sweet.... Made me feel good...really good..... Then December came.... December 29th to be exact... For some reason he was still around on the 30th of January..... Still...wow..is right....... But then...not just once...but twice..I said no.... Things were complicated...like really... Things changed...when I though they would stay the same... Rough times...sad times...sleepless times... Missing him...wondering does he miss me... Sadness...hurt... I realized what he brought into my life... I realized I wanted him...his immatu

Today...was very overwhelming. I feel like I'm in over my head in life. I don't currently feel the confidence I once had. I feel like I'm about to burn bridges I may need. I have so much on my mind right now and no one to share my thoughts with. I feel kinda lost currently, in need of direction. I know I have come so far from that weak person I once was, like a phoenix rising from the ashes of my old life...but where do I go from here? What do I want to do in my life? I really can't answer that right now. My head is cloud with all the things I think I should do and the things I need to do. Hopefully soon I can reach a point of just relaxing and enjoying my life as it progresses...