Broken Hearted

My heart is broken.. and it aches. However this time it's not what it usually is aching about it's about a boy. I think it's fair to call him a boy since that is the way he acts. I know he'll never read this that's probably why it's safe just put it here.. I'm so hurt and I'm so angry because he shut me out when I was ready to tell him that I love him. And blindsided and disrespect me I just won't put up with that. I'm a good partner and we had so many good times together. We also shared a lot of hard times and he seen me had some really bad times. But he also caused some of those really bad times... This time I hope that's it's the last time that I will let him break my heart. But I also hope to not have to take this regret, of never getting to tell him. It's too bad he doesn't want to talk to me or listen to me because of her and I have to learn how to be okay with that. However I needed the rejection needed him to reject me and tell me that he loves her and wants to be with her. That way I can move on. There's many things in life you can't get closure on I really want to try on this one. part of me doesn't believe that he doesn't love me anymore because he's waited this long but maybe he waited too long. Or I made him wait too long. Try to keep my head up and stay classy. It's so hard I want to be so mean but I don't think that's productive. It's weird because in so many ways I miss Seamus.. but this heartache this boy is causing me to forget the pain for her brief moment and being in a different kind of pain. It's so weird.  It sucks that it took me so long to realize that I love him... But also he's not acting like a man I thought he was. It sucks that we can't choose who we fall in love with. Please let me be able to let him go...even it hurts.